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It’s more of a hole, like somethings missing. You know?’ She asked. He did in fact know. He had felt similar things when he was younger and even now, now that he was a priest. It was loneliness. Sometimes when he had a good girlfriend that he really liked it would go away, but then things would get serious and he’d do something stupid and they’d break up. Then it came back again. The loneliness. ‘What about a man? Do you have a boyfriend or something?’ He asked. She looked at him sharply. ‘What? No, I don’t want one. I haven’t met a guy I like enough yet.’ ‘Oh. Well maybe that’s it. Maybe you are just lonely and a little bit of love and romance are what you are missing, the hole in your life.’ He suggested. She shrugged ‘Maybe.’ They sat in silence for a while longer. Silent and peaceful, just sitting there. Ivy sat there in silence. The priest had startled her earlier and she sort of wished he would just leave her alone with her thoughts. She also felt embarrassed because she. My mistakes cost me my life, and nearly my sanity. — God had forsaken me. Todd would always win, and in trying to stand up against him, I would always lose. And I have kept losing, over and over. There was no reason to be happy anymore. There was no reason to smile. There was no reason to feel. I have nothing left to lose. Does that make me a dangerous man? Hardly. I could barely eke out a living working as a stockboy at the local 24-hour convenience store. But the utility bills are paid at the end of every month, I have enough to buy groceries, not that I eat much nowadays anyway, and my right hand keeps me marginally satisfied when the urge takes me to relieve what little sexual tension I experience every few months or so. I no longer have any family to speak of, not anymore. I had shunned them all, or rather they had shunned me, after what had happened to me repeatedly in these many years. Friends? I have none, at least none that I could trust or share my sorrows with. I couldn’t.
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